Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
