so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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