ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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