I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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