Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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