yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
