hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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