you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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