i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
