Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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