I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
