Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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