Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
