man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
