So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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