i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Terrible idea I love it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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