So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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