my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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