Ketchup is God's man juice
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
