That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just invented taco cereal.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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