I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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