i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
