It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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