Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
