this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
