3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
