He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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