i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
