Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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