Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
