I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
