hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
