I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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