Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
