God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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