that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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