but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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