he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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