end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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