U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
