my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Enjoy the penises
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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