Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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