Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
