Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
