Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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