Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
