I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
