Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
