you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
