OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
