Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dear god my vagina.
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