Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
