someone get that fucking seahorse.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
