he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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