You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Green mimosas i think yes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
