everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
