upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You left your phone here
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