I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
